On Getting Older and Searching for some Direction

So, um, hi. It's been two years since I've posted on this little blog. My apologies. 

A lot has happened since then! I graduated high school, got a job (and then lost it a month later... But that's not the point), traveled to London, and started university! I'm now going into my 3rd year of being a psychology major and I still don't really know what I want to do. 

In like, 2 years, I'll be graduated with a BA in Psychology. Then I have to decide what to actually do with my life. And I really have no clue. Yikes. 

Over the past year or so I've entertained the idea of entering into the field of research psychology, because there's a part of me that is a super science nerd. And doing that would kinda combine the two things - psychology and science. Right? But who knows if that's what I'll end up doing. I've heard that the majority of people who graduate college or university with a degree in a certain field don't necessarily even end up working in that field! 

I guess that goes to show that no one can really plan out everything in their life. I'm a firm believer in the "go with the flow" approach. Unfortunately this approach is often confused with the "I don't know what's happening so I'm just gonna listen to what everyone tells me to do" approach.

Okay, so maybe the latter approach is what really seems to be what's happening for me. When I hear my friends talk about their career paths or super creative, niche job goals, I can't help but feel lost when I look at my own path. 

My path isn't as clearly marked out yet, but it's still there. I feel like thus far in my life I've had my parents telling me what I should want in life, and it's hard for me to stand up for myself and make my own decisions.

I mean, I'm turning 20 in 5 days and I still can't make up my own mind about which drink I should get from Starbucks without asking for the opinion of others. GAH. I need to learn to rely on my own judgment and trust my feelings when making a decision. I need to own my decisions, therefore fully owning my success and fully owning my failures.

One day I'll get there, but for now, I'll be asking the Internet for advice. Important things. Like: should I have tea right now or should I make a smoothie? 

Edit: Google says its 23 degrees today. I'm making a smoothie. 

Being A Positive Influence

Recently, I volunteered with this program with my school, and it's called Big Brothers Big Sisters. I'm sure most people are familiar with what it is. If you happen to wonder, what is she talking about? I will tell you. If you already know, well, I will still tell you.

Basically, this program was designed so that mentors, also known as the "Big" brother or sister, will be partnered up with troubled children, or children that need a role model or positive influence in their lives. They're called the "Little" because they act like a younger sibling to a mentor. I volunteered in this program a few months ago because I want to try to have some kind of positive influence on a child's life, and help them realize their full potential. (You can read more on this organization here.)

I have a strict schedule of when I go to meet my buddy, and we meet for one hour at a time. We also get a ton of supplies to do crafts, games, and outdoor-sy activities. The people who organized this program are honestly such great people. It's really touching that people would devote their lives to helping with a volunteer organization and care so deeply about their work.

I've met with my Little only three times now, but I can tell that it's going to become a life-changing experience. Working with younger children is awesome, because sometimes we all just need that little piece of innocence in our lives. I mean, who doesn't enjoy flying kites and making (stapling together!) our own headbands? Obviously, I didn't end up wearing my headband, but sometimes I think that it's just the feeling of doing something with a child that they enjoy that makes it worthwhile.

I'm constantly amazed by how much children value your attention. They almost idolize us, and we're just regular high school students. It seems weird, though I kinda remember feeling similarly when I was in grade five. Now that I'm in grade twelve (and strangely, I don't feel that much older) I think I have a better understanding of how to interact with younger people. Not to say that I'm old. I know I'm not. Seventeen is not even an adult. I still have so far to go.

Through this program, I'm learning to be a positive influence in someone's life. Through my little buddy, I am discovering how much just one act of kindness can completely brighten someone's day, and through this experience, I hope to become a better person. I hope to become the person that everyone smiles at in the hallway, because they know that they care about them. Because doing nice things for people just feels so wonderful. Receiving gifts feels good, but deep down, we all know that giving gifts just feels so much better.

And if I can give the gift of my time, encouragement, and support to even one person, I know that I'm doing something right.

Here's to New Beginnings

I'm Hannah.

I'm not familiar with blogging, but I guess it's somewhat like a diary, so I guess I could give it a shot. 
To me, blogging seems like a lazier version of journaling, since you don't get hand cramps from typing (hopefully). Plus, if you can type using both hands and not aimlessly pecking away at the keyboard, I think this method must save plenty of time.

The title of my blog means "love everyone", Japanese, if any of you were wondering. At least I think it does. That's something I've been trying to do recently, love everyone, but I haven't found it very easy so far. I really admire people who are able to take a diss and just let it go, and not try to get back at the person constantly. As hard as I work to ignore comments that get thrown at me everyday, (the majority of them from immature boys who are constantly teasing the whole classroom and trying to cause disruption), I just can't always do it. My own thermometer of toleration keeps raising and raising but never seems to have a peak heat, it just elevates without control. Sometimes, trying to hold all that in can be damaging, but I don't like to freak out on people if they piss me off. 

Anywho! I'm going off topic. Since this is my first blog post, I will try not to sound completely depressing and like the cliche troubled teenage girl. I've yet to finish my homework, which consists of a TON of chemistry homework, my review and studying for a WWII test, and more things in the pit of despair that is my backpack. I would rather not be doing it. I should be doing it. I want to pass school... eventually. Without re-doing any grades.

I'm going to start writing on this blog regularly, and tell myself that it will be good for me to express my emotions. Plus, my writing could really use some help.

It'll be good.